


Truly Content.

by philsgiggles



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Brief Corgi Mention, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Married, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Parents, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 12:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14355399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philsgiggles/pseuds/philsgiggles
Summary: It's before II and Phil brings up a topic he and Dan have never discussed in detail: children. And finally, Dan can picture their future together...





	Truly Content.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, come visit my Tumblr @moonroomsnuggles! And enjoy, my sweets......

Cool air wafts over Phil’s face and pierces his tired eyes. He blinks rapidly to wet them again. Had he not been blinking?  
           Phil takes a lock of Dan’s curls in between his first two fingers. Playing with it idly, the man stares up at the darkened ceiling, and thinks for a moment in silence. Dan’s soft hair flows through Phil’s fingers and he feels his muscles melt. He sighs wearily.  
           Suddenly, Dan is groaning and batting away Phil’s hand from his head sleepily, “Phil, wha––”  
           “Shh,” Phil whispers to him, “Go back to sleep, Dan.”  
           Dan turns his head and grabs at his phone in the dark. He clicks it on and grimaces at the blinding light emanating from it. He groans at Phil, “It’s five-thirty! We have to be up in a couple hours anyway to get to the airport, you might as well just tell me what’s bothering you.”  
           Phil huffs out a small laugh and takes a moment to himself to gather his thoughts. Dan shifts, stretching his legs out beneath the smooth sheets. After all this time, he knows when Phil needs a moment to make sense of the roar in his head. So he just stays silent, rubs his eyes, and waits for Phil to speak.  
           “We’re going on a world tour, Dan,” Phil states before being taken over by silence yet again.  
           “I know,” Dan tilts his head to look at the older man, but he’s still turned away, lost in thought.  
           “Again. We’re going on a world tour _again_. We’ve done all of these––these things, yeah? All of these amazing things, and we’ve done them together. We’ve written a book together, and done shows together, and that––that’s just the start. And we’ve been in such perfect love the entire way. Dan, it’s like a goddamn fairy tale. And every single day, I’m so incredibly grateful for it. But…”  
           Dan smiles along, indulging his sappy husband in his monologue, but at the last word, his heart stops and he pushes himself up onto an elbow and off of Phil’s chest.  
           “I know we’ve never talked about this before, but…” Phil sighs, still looking stoically ahead, “Does it ever feel like something’s just _missing_? I love you so much, Dan, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of forever with you, but… but maybe we’re destined to love someone else––more than just each other.”  
           Dan sits up fully next to Phil, “What?”  
           Phil finally looks over at him, wide-eyed, and hoists himself up to a seat, as well, “Dan, no, no, no! That, uh, that came out wrong. I just…  don’t really know how to phrase this.”  
           “You know you can tell me anything, Philly,” Dan touches Phil’s arm in support, and Phil inhales through his nose.  
           “I’ve never really asked you about this, because I––I know that it might not be an option right now, not with some of the things we’re dealing with. But, Dan, I just. We really do need to talk about it, I know we do. I’m scared to, but we need to talk about this,” Phil looks at Dan, taking in his features completely.  
           “I want kids. So bad. And, Dan, I want them with you.”  
           Dan’s heart catches in his throat and he can’t force any noise out of it, no matter how hard he tries.  
           “God. I know! I know that this isn’t the time to be talking about this. And I know that really, it might just not be in the cards for us. And I _know_ that there’s a chance––a pretty big one based on how long we waited to get married––that you don’t feel the same way,” Dan gapes at Phil, mouth opening and closing like a fish, as he speaks, “I know, I know, I know, but at the same time, I guess I can’t help myself. I… I want to be a dad, Dan. So bad. And I think I’d make a pretty damn good one. And––and you would, too. So I guess I just––mph!” Dan squeezes the breath out of him, arms wrapped around his torso in a sudden attack.  
           “Phil, just please––please shut up,” Dan murmurs into Phil’s skin, his voice finally deciding to cooperate. His heart however, is decidedly against what Dan wants it to do. It stutters and stops and beats at such a pace that Dan is almost afraid that he’s going to combust right then and there. It feels like it’s pushing his ribs out, too big for its designated spot.  
           Finally, Dan forces his arms apart and releases Phil. Now it’s Phil’s turn to wait.  
           “I love you, Philly. More than anything, you _know_ that. And the thought of having kids with you––God! That would be so… I can’t tell you how happy you make me… And I know our––our kids,” Dan swallows, “Would have such a great life with you as their dad. I truly can’t imagine anything more perfect.”  
           Phil smiles and wipes at the tears he hadn’t noticed are trickling over his cheeks. His smile grows sadder, “But not now.”  
           “Not now,” Dan grabs his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, “But in the future… Nothing would make me happier.”  
           “God, Dan, you just…” Phil starts. He envelops their clasped hands in his other and places a kiss right on top. His eyelashes and his drying tears tickle the skin there and Dan smiles fondly at the cheesy action.  
           “Thank you, Dan. For everything. I––I love you so much more than you could ever understand.”  
           “I think I can, Philly,” Dan smiles sweetly, eyes crinkling. Dan scoots back down on the bed, pulling on Phil’s hands to invite him to do the same. Once Phil is settled, Dan lays his head back on his chest and exhales. He scoots around a little before he finally relaxes onto Phil, content. His mind whirrs and he smiles softly.  
           Phil shifts under him and Dan looks up at him. But he just smiles and kisses the top of Dan’s head before leaning back onto his pillow. Dan closes his eyes.  
           Phil’s chest rises and falls steadily. It doesn’t take long and he’s fast asleep, dead to the world. Dan feels him slip off and opens his eyes. He ponders the conversation.  
           He supposes his future with Phil has always been encased in a certain kind of fog. Like a sheer curtain that’s covering the players on the stage behind it, and Dan, he could see their indistinguishable silhouettes slinking around, but their faces were blurred and features lost.  
           But now, now it’s as if the curtain has lifted. He can pick out faces from the crowd, and he can see exactly where he’ll be: In a house, large enough to suit Dan’s tastes but not so large that it takes away from the sense of warm coziness emanating from it. There are toys spread all over the floor, and Dan trips over one on his way into the living room. He sets down his phone on a nearby table and picks the toy up. He sighs exasperatedly at it. It’s a little mermaid doll with tangled red hair and a permanent smile.  
            _Of course._  
           “Dylan!” Dan calls. There’s a loud crash that Dan does _not_ want to know the origin of, and then a little boy skids into sight, across the room. His blond hair is covered in a little hat and his eyes are questioning. As soon as he sees the toy in Dan’s grasp, his little brown eyes widen fully and he runs up to him as quickly as he can. He grabs it from Dan with stubby fingers and holds it close to his chest.  
           “Don’t lose it again, okay?” Dan peers down at Dylan sternly. He nods quickly and bounces once before turning tail and skipping out of the room through the entryway he came in from.  
           Dan sighs amusedly. One of these days, he’d realize Phil is always right: two is certainly enough to keep them _plenty_ busy. But at the same time, Dan loves his two children so much, to the point that the seams holding his chest together seem to be fraying, that it seems almost unfair to keep their small family. Maybe eventually he’d convince Phil to have maybe just one more… The black-haired man in question, holding their other little one on his hip, walks in through the same way and Dylan nearly crashes into him. He swerves at the last second and waves quickly at the little girl in Phil’s arms and coos hello before running away to play.  
           “You found Ariel, then? Where was she?” Phil walks into the room and sits on the plush couch, setting Lilian down beside him. He gathers up crayons and her little book as his husband speaks.  
           “Right where he left her,” Dan chuckles. He sits next to Phil and waits for him to get Lilian situated. When she’s happily coloring away, oblivious to everything except the out-of-tune song she’s singing and the happy blue monster she’s filling in, Phil turns to Dan. He smiles and presses a lingering kiss to his lips.  
           “Hi,” Phil says. Dan is just about to reply when he’s pushed onto his back by a hurtling white thing. He is shoved indelicately back into the plush sofa and laughs. Ollie licks at his face excitedly, his two front paws pressing on Dan’s chest.  
           “Ollie!” Dylan whines and runs into the room again, skidding to a halt in front of the couch and pouting at his dads, “He won’t play dress-up with me!”  
           Dan sits up Ollie looks up at him. His tongue hangs out of his mouth sideways and his big eyes plead for pets. Dan smiles and obliges, stroking his head and behind his ears as Phil deals with Dylan and his incessant need to play dress-up with the animals (he once tried to fit Robin, their corgi, into a tiara and a dress half her size. The poor dog has never looked at dresses the same, but in the end, she still loves him with all her little heart).  
           “But Daddy––” Dylan whines.  
           “No, Dyl! We’ve told you this before. If you want, you can invite your friends over and _they_ can play dress-up with you, but the doggies don’t like it! It’s not good for them.” Phil says, smoothing down the sides of Dylan’s hair gently.  
           “Okay…” Dylan frowns and walks out of the room, presumably to find something else to put in a dress. Dan and Phil look at each other, amused. Dan looks over Phil’s shoulder to see Lilian still coloring away diligently.  
           Phil looks at him fondly and takes his hand. Dan covers it with his own, and presses a gentle kiss on top. He’s finally, truly content.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make me happier than Dan with his head between Phil's legs (can someone please explain this video to me??? cause my brain still can't comprehend it.......)!


End file.
